A glass of water, fake coffee, black tea and now real coffee. That’s my drug input for the last 4 hours. Today is the first day this month that I have nothing to do until later. And it is scary to find yourself doing nothing. CAuse you don.t really do nothing, do you? There’s so much heavy thinking going on all around those brain cells. It might go kaaaabum anytime now.
SO nothing to do till later, when I.m gonna go send off another very close friend of mine to the very ends of the Earth. When has Indonesia become so popular? She´s got herself all worked out around this guy and of course – can.t stay away.
I hate it. PERIOD. This Exodus of friends this year is so saddening! Might sound like too much sniveling coming from this side of the keyboard BUT I haven.t shed a tear yet. Which is alarming! I was so afraid to get to this point but here I am. I guess its a cycle. I.m emotionally incapable of showing or expressing any sort of state that I might find myself in. Some people space out, out of free will, to me it happens naturally and can.t fight it.
By God.s grace I think its perfect timing! I.m going away for 2 weeks in an Alps Tour with a bunch of family friends. Gonna breath extra fresh air everyday. I.m gonna sleep in a tent and pray to God I catch at least a storm while doing that. I.m gonna swim in the ocean at some point and then bask in the sun on the French Shore, no phone, no internet. Its gonna be God all over the place. My shell shall crack! I need to hear from him so bad these days.
I don.t have a clue how on Earth I got caught up in this Rat Cage, again. But the door is open. I can get out, the irony of it is that I.m so used to these walls..